Recovering from backlash

“You can be the outcast and be the backlash of somebody’s lack of love; or you can start speaking up. Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way the words do when they settle underneath your skin. Kept on the inside, with no sunlight ,sometimes the shadow wins. I wonder what would happen if you…”

This is really a part two of my last post on words, but today I’m addressing what to do when someone else is not careful with their words to us.

This songwriter had a clue. Somebody’s lack of love can backlash into hurt, insecurity, and bitterness. But, it does not have to. There is an or. This singer also provides us with the reason the shadow wins sometimes. Trapping these words on the inside with no light makes them ferment and rot away the good stuff. We call it internalizing. Permit me to read into these lyrics a bit more than perhaps they meant. Sunlight is natural, strong, and healthy. It warms and gives life to the earth. When we shut it out we weaken and are easily broken and depressed. We turn pale. So it is with bad words. If they stay inside us, and we shine no reality (or truth to be specific) on them, they’ll make us unhealthy. In mind and body. It’s scientific fact. Maybe you even know someone the shadow won with. I have a friend who’s boyfriend committed suicide (I think I’ve mentioned it before) he was already in a mental hospital I believe. Not a bad guy; we have hope he is in a better place. But to be that depressed. Nowadays it’s not difficult to be depressed. Poor nutrition is part of it. Also psychotropic drugs (prescribed for mental disorders) damage the brain more. They are directly related to high school shootings. These disorder come from thinking toxic words over and over again. (Look up Dr. Caroline Leaf for more on this subject.) You see, you literally make the words a part of you. The good news is this can be completely reversed and rebuilt. Shine sunlight on these thoughts and expose them for what they are. Then there’s the next step:

“Everybody’s been there; everybody’s been stared down by the enemy.  Falling for the fear; done some disappearing; bow down to the mighty. Don’t run. Stop holding your tongue. Maybe there’s a way out of this cage where you live; maybe one of these days you can let the light in–and show me how big your brave is!”

May I quote Granpabby (of course I can, this is my blog): “Fear will be your enemy.” It will. It is.

F.D. Roosevelt said this in his inaugural address: “Nothing to fear but fear itself.”

Fear stares us down every time we try to step out of our comfort zone. (READ: cage.) Fear is called an instinct, but to so many of us it takes the shape of words.

“What will they think?”

“What if I fail?”

“If only there wasn’t this factor.”

“I wish I could, but I know I can’t.”

“I couldn’t handle it.”

This might happen.”

Fear leaves rationality far behind once we believe these words. Fear seems mighty; I know better than anyone. Fear is a cage you can see, and the door is open. The sad thing is, fear keeps you in anyway. But even fearing fear is still being  afraid. We can’t even have this fear if we want out. So how to kick it? (For fear is the most powerful of addictions.) I know how hard this is. But stare it back. Don’t run. And stop holding your tongue. Say the truth; say what you believe. Or what you want to believe. (Note: If this doesn’t work you probably believe the wrong thing.) Fear is beaten back with the light of truth. For me this is always found in the name of Jesus. I cannot see any other way. I’m told even self-talk helps. It didn’t help me much, but if you aren’t in as deep as I was it will likely work for you.

Frozen really told the world the truth. Perfect love casts out fear. Granpabby is an example of those people who’ll tell you your problem but never how to solve it. Elsa gave up trying. Anna wouldn’t, and that was the difference. I’m glad at the end of the film Elsa let the light in. And love enables us to do it. Love is what takes away the hurt of words because love transcends words. It may be the only thing that can. Someone can say in love what they could never say flatly without hurting you. Love motivates us to be considerate. (True love. I know sometimes natural love does not. If you know this too, believe me I feel for you.) Love makes courage, but it also takes courage. God will pour it into you, but it’s your choice to let it out. (This is how Elsa spread Summer back over Arindelle by lifting off the fear.) So, in the words of the song, show how big your brave is. If you are brave enough to face your problems, you are brave enough to conquer them, whether you feel it our not. It is a choice. Only you can hold yourself in that cage.

“Ever since your history of silence, won’t do you any good. Didn’t think it would.”

I warn you, silence on your part is not safe. Only some dangers look safer than others to us. Locking yourself in a castle of ice (even if it is a castle) is no safer than wandering a frozen lake in a storm.  A castle just looks safer. Can I reassure you God is on your side the minute you try to do the right thing? You may not believe this, but it is so. Even when you’re yelling at Him for being unfair, He is on your side if you’re doing it to some purpose. (I am not saying that’s okay by the way, only that it’s better than defiance.) Though I think He may be amused at our lack of understanding because I’ve had my moments of that, and it always turns out I was missing something. Anyway, my point is that telling someone our fears is a huge step towards defeating them, as is telling the fear off. And praying about it.

“Let your words be anything but empty. Why don’t you tell him the truth.”

Once you’ve faced your own enemy it’s time to help other people face theirs. I hope you’ve had help; if you haven’t, find it. But after that be the help. Be what you wish you’d had sooner. There is one more ingredient to healing, but I’ll cover it in the next post.

Honestly, I want to see you be brave. And so do so many others you don’t know about. So word up folks. (Word Girl reference.) Hope you enjoyed–Natasha.

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